once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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