Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
