direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
