just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
