Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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