Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
