I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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