Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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