Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
