I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
