I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
