Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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