Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
