One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
