right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
