oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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