not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
