What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
