well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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