Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
