I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
