So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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