I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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