I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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