Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
