Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
