Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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