I wish I could punch you in the face.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
