I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
