yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When are your genitals available?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
