so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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