that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
