I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
