Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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