If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
