his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
