i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
