I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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