We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
