i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
