Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
