I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
