susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
