Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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