No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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