i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
