East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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