please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
