Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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