I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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