I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
