According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
