We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were trust falling into bushes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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