hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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