Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
