you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
