Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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