There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
