Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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