I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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