Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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