oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
