You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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