Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
